Yeah, it's me, Opie Taylor, & I
for one can tell you, it wasn't
easy growing up in a town where
my Pa was Sheriff. Persecution,
innuendo, back-stabbing--things
like these were my lot in life.

Yeah, and things went downhill
from there after I left church.

And I can never forget that day
my girlfriend left me and ran
off with that guy who was pass-
ing through Mayberry with that
Mormon Rap group. After because
of that girl, I would never buy
another record released by those
bums--"New Elders on the Block."



Even Floyd the Barber gave me a
hard time when I was growing up
in Mayberry. And one time when he
did, I tried to get back at him by
patronizing his sole competition in
town--"Ward of Montgomery." But I
had to bite my pride, and go back
to Floyd's. Because right after I
had made my appointment with Ward,
I could hear him ordering a bowl
from his catalog for my haircut!

Looking back now, I can see things began
to go wrong for me about the same time
I started running with that 'Pyle Gang.'

+++
Goober and Gomer--

they had seemed at first like such
pleasant fellows. I mean, they had
never KILLED anyone--at least not on
purpose. (You know, I bet they didn't
even know the meaning of 'au pair.')

If only I had known then what I know now
to be the truth about this dastardly duo.

I should have suspected that something was
amiss when I heard the Pyles telling those
mean stories about my kindly old Aunt Bee.

So maybe she was Matron at the Raleigh Home
for Wayward Girls before she came to Mayberry.
That doesn't mean that all those stories they
told are true. I mean, I hardly ever saw any
black leather hanging in our closets at home.

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keewaydin@bigfoot.com